Have you ever thought about writing a letter to your younger self? Or even a letter to your future self?
My husband and I recently attended a seminar where we sought to look at what we bring to the relationship that does not belong or does not empower. Instead of pointing the finger and finding blame with the issues the other brings (and they do bring issues; oooooooh do they bring issues) the exercise is to look at what your role is and how you project your “wounds” on to your partner.
I won’t go into detail because there is so much detail to cover, but I will say how freeing it was to spend an entire week worrying about ME, what moves me, what upsets me, what hurts me, what nourishes me and what lifts me up. When I focus on me it frees me from focusing on “the other” from a place of need. Then, when I am clear on who I am, what I am feeling and what I need, I can enlist my boundaries right along with my compassion and I can be available to others in a way I couldn’t fully be otherwise.
As I moved through the exercises and took the time to really listen to those in the group, I felt drawn to write my daughter a letter from the ideal mother’s perspective. The ideal mother is just what it implies, for all the lacks you experienced with anyone who had influence over you, there is an ideal way in which they relate to you, speak to you, see you; or an ideal way in which you wish they had related to you.
So from this ideal mother place, I wrote my daughter a letter. It was easy because I have been doing my work for years now and I do strive to see her (I am by no means perfect which is why I wrote it from the ideal mother perspective). Then once I wrote it, read it and felt complete; I crossed out her name and replaced it with my own. That. Was. Powerful.
So often we walk with unrecognized shame, pain, fear, anger, resentment and a myriad of other emotions that put pressure on us and we can’t seem to figure out why we procrastinate or why we have a short fuse or why we isolate ourselves (among other things) and then it viciously cycles back to shame, pain fear, anger, resentment ect.
We are our greatest advocate for the evolution of our selves. No one can grow us, no one can make us “whole” and no one can care for us in a way that truly nurtures our purest self, but us.
Others may have “wounded” us or left us feeling a certain way, but that does not define us. It is up to us to create a dialog with our ideal in any situation (ideal mother, father, sister, boss, lover) and then advocate for that treatment from within until it radiates outward and we settle for nothing less but that level of love and respect from our others.
Why is a spa writing this? Because we are huge advocates for treating yourself with love, compassion, respect, and adoration!! As you give to yourself, you give to others.
So for the month of October, it is my personal quest to walk hand and hand with me and to focus my attention on what I bring into a room or conversation and how I am moved or affected and how I respond. For the month of October, I will care for my body, mind and spirit as if my life depends on it; and I will take note of how my relationships shift or don’t shift by November.
What is your October Quest??